I feel like I can’t start this story without mentioning Eloise’s birth. The two feel very connected to me, a continuation of sorts. It was through her birth that I had come to meet my midwives and this story would have been completely different without them. I also feel that Ella’s birth happened the way it did so that this birth could have the ending it does. Onward to the story of the boys…..

When I found out I was pregnant I wasn’t exactly thrilled. Eloise was just over a year old and I was still nursing her and hadn’t planned on weaning anytime soon. I knew we wanted to grow our family in the future but I wasn’t quite ready just yet. I made an appointment at the birth center and hoped that my midwives would agree to do another homebirth. When I arrived at the birth center R was out so I got to see and talk to S. It was really good to see her and chat about everything. When I was getting ready to leave I asked if we could listen for the heartbeat but S realized that she and R had both left their dopplers elsewhere and she asked if I wanted her to do a quick check with their ultrasound machine. I remember laughing about how high tech they had become and quickly agreed because I wanted the reassurance. She put the wand on my belly and paused, I asked if everything was ok and she quickly assured me that it was but wanted to know if I was positive about my dates. I was and then she showed me how thought she could see TWO heartbeats.

I was in disbelief. I convinced myself that the machine was old and that they were mirror images. A million thoughts were racing through my head but the thing that stuck out the most was that I was going to have to give up on a homebirth. I was going to have to take a million steps backwards and do something that I said I would never ever do again and resign to a hospital birth. I was scared. I set up an appointment for the imaging center to get a better ultrasound and spent the night and the next day studying ultrasounds of twins online. The next afternoon my husband took me to the imaging center to confirm what I already knew in my heart. We were pregnant with twins. We were told that they were likely identical and most likely monochorionic and diamniotic, which meant nothing to me at the time. I also got my first dose at how this pregnancy would be viewed by others when the radiologist came in to tell me how I was “too small to carry twins, they would be early, and I would be closely monitored throughout.” I was pissed. I didn’t want to be pregnant and I sure didn’t want to be pregnant with twins. I walked out of those doors and was instantly labeled “high risk”. Continue reading →